Unbind these hands and

reach out, palms cupped

for catching sunshine.

 

Free your freedom,

letting it fly forward

while you chase it, laughing.

 

Let curiosity guide you

on the unmarked trail

through this canyon of adventure,

with wonder walking on your left

and gratitude on your right.

 

Sitting at the kitchen table

on a Sunday evening,

listening to Miles Davis,

eating homemade lasagna–

one square from the big, full

pan begging for company–

alone engulfs me,

and I realize how scary

it really is, how “kind of blue”

it can be, but also how nice,

how tranquil, despite the

overwhelming melancholy

of this moment.

 

Silence, stillness, and solitude,

those sisters who walked by my house

every day for years, long braids

swinging with their gentle laughter,

secrets sliding between them,

those sisters I pretended not to see,

making myself look too busy to chat

or ducking inside when I heard

their footsteps, those sisters have

started stopping by for daily visits.

Now, instead of hiding, I leave

the door open for them, set the table

for four, and smile when they stroll in

and stay longer than I ever could

have imagined I would let them.

Not back, but deeper,

although both require pain

in cracking and re-setting

crooked bones of assumption,

in the dusty discomfort

of sifting through shadows.

 

Not back, but deeper,

because forward is the only way through—

not standing still waiting for change,

not slipping backward into comfort.

 

Not back, but deeper,

requires digging until

you slump with exhaustion,

howl with frustration,

plead for respite.

 

Not back, but deeper,

even when you ache to resurface,

when truth’s rancid breath

makes you wretch.

 

Not back, but deeper,

until your heart shatters open

at the first speck of beauty,

at the faint, but pure, voice

harmonizing with the melody

you’ve stifled all these years.

 

Not back, but deeper,

as you approach the mirror

with a smile, finally able to look

without flinching, recognizing, at last,

that wise woman from your dreams